Sometimes I sit and reflect on my own journey of life. Just as businesses takes stock, or do forecasts and budgets, I like to take a day or two and analyze my life. I often ask myself if I am happy, or if I am just existing. Then I would ask myself, what is making me happy, is it circumstances, or is it any one person in particular, is it my job, and what exactly about my present circumstances make me happy?
You see, the reason that I ask myself these questions, is that a long time ago, I told myself that I want to be happy in spite of. I don’t want anything, person or circumstance to make me happy. If my happiness is tied to anything, but me being ok with my own life and circumstance, what would happen if those happy-contributors are suddenly removed. This is my older self-talking, my younger-self struggled with many emotions.
Many of the things written in this diary depict relationship struggles. And many people may find they have experienced similar stories, or are going through something similar. Life is a drama, A great writer once said the we are all actors on a stage. Sometimes there is lots of drama, and sometimes it’s smooth sailing.
While searching for that deep and lasting love, I have realized that I can only trust my own emotions. I hope that the other person is being truthful to me, but I can only hope. Younger-self or older-self it does not matter. There is no defined time to find the right one.
In the twenties life is free and fearless, in the thirties life is cautiously optimistic and expectant, in the forties life is concerned, in the fifties life is deeply concerned, and in the sixties life is, well, I don't know, I have not spoken to enough people in that age range about love, to speak on the matter . Sorry.🤔
One thing I did realize is that no matter the age, life is bright and beautiful, but the heart ache and the pains seem to be deeper with an older-self; the older-self has increased anxiety that the younger-self tend to experience less.
Perhaps it is a natural human thought to think that time is running out. I always think about that too, I mean, is time really running out, and if it is, what from? Time has been in existence since time began, perhaps then humans are the ones running out of time, and not time running out of humans.
So as I take my mid-year stock-taking I can say that yes, I am happy.
I believe in love and all it stands for.💕